"Here at the hotline, we focus on HIV since that is the most serious type of STI. But there are other sexually transmitted diseases and infections as well, and so when I'm talking about safer-sex, I'm talking specifically about HIV.
The way that HIV can transmit is by getting certain very specific fluids from one person’s body directly into another person. The fluids that you have to be most concerned with are blood, semen (cum), maybe pre-cum, and vaginal fluids.
If you’re going to be with anyone, the safest thing to do is assume that it’s possible that the person you are with might have been exposed to HIV at some point in their past, and protect yourself based on that possibility. That way you won’t have to guess about the other person.”
If callers have questions on other STIs (sexually transmitted infections) or more detailed information on sexual activities they can contact the: Sex, Gender and Relationship Hotline (formerly the San Francisco Sex Info. Switchboard) at
415-989-7374, wwwsgrhotline.org
If someone is receiving oral sex, then they are just coming in contact with the other person’s mouth, and we know that saliva does not transmit HIV. We have never seen any cases of anyone getting HIV by receiving oral sex.
It is considered a theoretical risk to transmit HIV through oral contact with a vagina, due to possibly getting blood into the mouth. However, in the real world, we don’t really see it happening. If you want to reduce whatever risk might be there, you can use a latex barrier between the vagina and the other person’s mouth so that the fluids don’t get inside. Barriers that you can use would be a dental dam or you can cut open a latex condom or latex glove.
It is important not to get A person’s semen (cum) into the mouth. One way is to talk with the person beforehand and let them know that you don’t want them to cum into your mouth.
If you can trust them on that, then the only possible risk is maybe from getting pre-cum in your mouth, and the likelihood of getting HIV just from pre-cum is very low. We are not aware of it ever happening. If you want to be even safer than that, you can have someone wear a condom when you’re performing oral sex on them.
Getting semen (or cum) into the mouth, whether it is spit-out or swallowed, is considered a medium risk, and while it is not easy, we have seen people contract HIV by doing this. If you want to reduce that risk, you can have someone wear a condom when performing oral sex, or don’t have them cum directly into the mouth.
This is considered to be the riskiest ways of transmitting HIV sexually, and the risk is high for both partners, although the risk is greater for the person being penetrated. It is really important to use a condom every single time. Not everyone has anal sex, so you will need to decide if it's something that you want to do.
If it is, then using a condom is really important. There are three things to remember about condoms:
1. Always use a new package of condoms, so check the expiration date on the wrapper (because condoms can expire or be exposed to wear and tear over time which can make them ineffective at preventing HIV).
2. Make sure the condom is made of latex (If someone is allergic to latex, they can use a a condom made of polyurethane instead).
3. Always use a water-based lubricant (because other types of lubricants can weaken and break latex condoms and make them ineffective at preventing HIV).
If you do these things, then you will substantially reduce the risk of transmitting HIV, but it won't eliminate the risk completely. But it will make it much safer than using no protection at all. In addition to condoms, there is now an option called PrEP, which is a prescription medication that must be taken on a specific schedule. When taken properly it is highly effective against infection with HIV. However, it does not protect people from other STI's (sexually transmitted infections), so it should be used along with condoms.
HIV cannot be transmitted through saliva. This means that you cannot get HIV by only kissing someone. The only exception is if there are significant wounds, and the other person is bleeding into those wounds. From a practical standpoint, we don’t see that happening.
You cannot get HIV by being sexually active in any way with someone who is HIV-negative. However, you should always assume that your partner(s) may have been exposed to HIV at some point in the past, and protect yourself based on that possibility. There is no way to know for sure if someone is HIV+ at the moment you are having sex with them. However, if you knew for a scientific fact that neither partner was exposed to HIV, then you cannot create HIV between you.
There is no risk of HIV for behaviors such as masturbation or other sexual activities which do not involve contact with another person, because there is no transfer of bodily fluids.
There is no inherent risk of HIV for simply being LGBTQ. There are misconceptions (primarily as a result of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s) that have made some people believe that you will get HIV/AIDS no matter what, if you are LGBTQ. That is not true. Non-LGBT people can also become infected with HIV. What determines someone’s risk is what they do, not who they are.
There is risk if you share them and don’t clean them between partners.
This could happen because sex toys can sometimes cause cuts or tears inside one’s body, and if you are sharing toys and don’t properly clean them between partners, it can cause blood, semen, pre-cum or vaginal fluids to travel from one person’s body to the other, via the sex toy. To be as safe as possible when using a sex toy, don’t share your toys! If you must, use clean, disinfected toys only, and do not immediately share the toy between partners. If you do share, be sure to clean the toy thoroughly between each partner's use. You may also use a new, latex condom over a sex toy to reduce your risk of HIV.